Aside from a pocket mirror and a small bathroom over-the-sink mirror I haven't been able to 'see' myself all week. It's so ingrained to check our appearance; I've had to let go of caring about my visual presentation to the world and just be.
Which isn't that challenging for me ... often I'll go through the day and realize I haven't combed my hair or touched-up the morning's make-up job. Lil dangerous ... some days I'm sure I've frightened numerous people through the day...Nonetheless I've endeavoured to be aware of my presumptions and what they say about me... I attended a dance meditation class yesterday. A collection of women - the beautiful blonde Aussie, a short chubby redhead, a 30-somethings from New Mexico, a bookish-looking type from the Eastern states, two 50+ - one in a Hawaiian dress, the other in fitness gear (a little out of place in the jungle) and three men - two with shaved heads (one reminded me of my grandpa), and a rather Peruvian-looking, uber-hairy dude.
It was 5-Rhythms style ... Flowing, Staccato, Chaos, Lyrical, Stillness The intention is to workout and meditate in the same breath ... life is energy in motion. What a fabulous way to move through one's own feelings. The music reflected each of the 5 rhythms and there were no specific moves leaving us to express independently. The facilitator brought us together at times forming a circle, dancing with a partner, and simply making eye contact with each other as we moved about the room.
As the class unfolded my perception of each individual changed ... greatly. The woman whom I'd labelled bookish was so expressive and playful in her dance. The short chubby gal had a beautiful voice and sang throughout ... sometimes squawking bird calls. All of the men were graceful and uninhibited and the Aussie, beautiful and seemingly put together ... unravelled to the point of sobbing uncontrollably as we reached the Stillness portion of the dance.
By the end of the class I felt connected to each person simply by sharing the experience of exposing our individuality; there had been no conversation. I have no idea what anyone thought of me or my expression but it's really none of my business.
I'm grateful for all these teachers who are showing me how to be present and let go of looking for a reflection of me in them. Meaning, would I have changed how I dressed, how I danced based on how others reacted to me... not one iota ...
I'm tasting true freedom and I like it ... alot.
Off to the morning market. I'm out of bananas.