crazy

[kra-zee]

so what is crazy anyway?

I googled. Here's a snippet of what I found...

informal; adjective
out of one’s head, off one’s nut, nutty, nutty as a fruitcake, off one’s rocker, not (quite) right in the head, round the bend, raving mad, stark raving mad, bats, batty, bonkers, cuckoo, loopy, loony, bananas, loco, dippy, screwy, screw loose, touched, gaga, doolally, up the pole, not all there, off the wall, out to lunch, not right upstairs, mad, insane, out of one’s mind, deranged, demented, not in one’s right mind, crazed, lunatic, non compos mentis, unbalanced, unhinged, unstable, disturbed, distracted, buggy, nutsy, nutso, out of one’s tree, meshuga, squirrelly, wacko, gonzo, absurd, preposterous, ridiculous, ludicrous, farcical, laughable, idiotic, stupid, foolish, foolhardy, unwise, imprudent, ill-conceived, silly, inane, puerile, infantile, fatuous, imbecilic, hare-brained, half-baked, unreasonable, irrational, illogical, nonsensical, pointless, senseless, impracticable, unworkable, unrealistic, outrageous, wild, shocking, astonishing, unbelievable, incredible, unthinkable, implausible, peculiar, odd, strange, queer, weird, eccentric, bizarre, fantastic, incongruous, grotesque, barmy, daft, potty, cock-eyed...

Whew. I find this quite amusing.

Another label. Another measure on whose scale?

I was 28. I received a fantastic compliment. Wow she's really got it all together.
And on the outside I did. Point being, on the inside  (no long sad story required) - I was crazy.

Beam ahead 20+ years. Still walkin the earthwalk. I have evolved. I've figured a bunch of stuff out. Finding truth. Letting go. Enjoying. Embracing all that I am and loving all that I am not.
On the inside I'm getting it together. Feeling good. Feeling happy, peaceful, content. And on the outside, there are those who say - she's crazy.

Granted I am more demonstrative than the average human. An observance by my second husband ... whatever you do, you do well. Very very true. Thing is, that works for positive and negative traits. I think that was my first real understanding of duality. Ultimately another step down the path of greater understanding of perception, beliefs and balance.

LLW  loving lightworker  counsellor
CJ  Cuppa Joy me
PSM  Pragmatic Saintly Mother  mom

CJ  my mother says I'm too sensitive
LLW  You know, that's not necessarily a bad thing

I find this quite liberating So during the next conversation with my mother that the you're too sensitive comment arose, I was armed.
CJ  Well that's not necessarily a bad thing
PSM  Yes it is

Shut down. Just like that. Ahh, the British are a tough lot. My brother and I joke that our mother's stiff upper lip is pulled right up over her head. Truth be told, she's quite the role model to live up to.

Genetically I come from a long line of nut bars. But who's the judge? My normal isn't your normal so why should my crazy be the same as anybody else's crazy.

Delight and be grateful in what is. One of many favourite Jack Nicholson lines in As Good As It Gets

go sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here 

 

 

weird yet welcomed slumber

I've not always been good at sleeping. A good sleep, in my world, would be a solid 7 hour slumber. Aside from pockets of playing fitness guru where I drill-sergeant myself with a complete physical ass-kicking and my body is so exhausted sleep comes easy, I've tended to be wakeful. Like every 2 to 3 hours. Maybe I'll go to the loo, or self-destructively raid the cupboards or simply scan the clock and doze off again. Thus I am grateful when a deep sleep is experienced.

In past I've labelled myself easily distracted by external stimuli. However I don't subscribe to labels anymore and I just like to be in the know, awake or asleep!

Given my regular sleep patterns, it's been glaring when circumstances have occurred that for the life of me, I just can't stay awake.

On two occasions I was at a hot rod show. My partner and I arrived the night before the event and tented with a few other participants. Early the next morning over 300 magnificent machines rolled in filling the field we were camped on the edge of. The purr of those modified engines had me sawing logs til my subconcious curiosity was piqued enough to rise and get visual.

Next odd place - camping at the lake. Granted here I was completely inebriated though that doesn't always guarantee a long, rejuvenating sleep. I crashed around 2am not to wake until 11am. That's 9 hours people! Both times this happened I seriously checked more than one clock. Weird.

This one's definitely got something spiritual going on. The Hospital. Awaiting Surgery.  Having the hardware removed from my ankle that I'd broken 2 years prior when blackberry-picking (now there's something to blog about). It was day surgery and once settled in pre-op -- and no I had not been given anything to make me drowsy -- I found myself nodding off. I was woken twice over the next couple hours, once for vitals and an IV, and the other to be wheeled to the O.R. Again in the corridor I dozed off, this time to be nudged by the surgeon. He woke me up so the anaesthetic-guy could put me to sleep.

And the strangest times I've drifted off... when I'm getting tattooed. I've spent 7 blissful afternoons gettin' inked. Each time it is less painful, and after the last tatt session I was more relaxed and in la-la land than any spa treatment I've received...

I'm not entirely sure what the deal is though I've got a couple full-freak explanations, but does it matter? Nope. Just another addition to the List of Wondrous Me.

Night-night. Sleep well.

sudden uncontrollable outbursts

It would appear that as part of the human condition we have a desire to label things and although it doesn't change the circumstance at all, we are comforted by the knowing.

So recently I saw a commercial that I actually thought was a spoof.

Have you experienced sudden outbursts of uncontrollable crying or laughing?

If so, you may have "wxyz". Learn more about this neurologic condition that affects nearly 2 million ...

In advance I will apologize to those who do experience this and other physical ailments who may take offence.

Seriously people? The commercial went on further with suggestions for this newly identified condition. This led to my daughter and I experiencing a sudden outburst of uncontrollable laughing. Then we wept upon realization that this was 'real'.

So many labels, syndromes, conditions. Does it change anything by what you call it?

A couple years ago I had self-diagnosed on the internet (not always a wise idea ... don't believe everything you think) and informed my doctor I had 'chronic fatigue syndrome'. Somehow by labelling how I'd been feeling led me to believe I could now easily fix it.

My doctor explained she was hesitant to give such a diagnosis as there wasn't really any specific treatment. Hmmm. I got it. Yet another need from the ego.

There are many individuals who suffer from IBS (which I personally wouldn't have the need to tell others) and many other syndromes; yet in my observance they haven't necessarily taken steps dietary or otherwise to assist their condition. Everyone wants a magic pill to make it go away. Another instance of the way in is the way out...

Examine why you have this syndrome, condition, dis-ease, ailment, yada, yada, yada. And be open to what you discover. Allow the possibility of the source to be something other than what you think. Step out of your current belief system. We all have the power within us to change anything.

It's the whole comfort thing of knowing which is helpful if you use the information to move forward and not just an addition to your List of Limitations.

My mom and I were recently discussing the end of the Mayan Calendar and how it was labelled by the fearful as "the end of the world". The spiritual saw it as "the beginning of a new world".

My mom (a saint on this earth) simply said "it's time for a new calendar".

Love you Mom.

Incidentally the same physical symptom Have you experienced sudden outbursts of uncontrollable laughing or crying? appeared on a list of Ascension Symptoms I was perusing. And admittedly many other items that I'm tempted to label simply as Being Human. Who's the holder of the Normal List that says feeling intense emotions at times is abnormal? Embrace who you are! Show the world! Be deliciously weird*. In fact, I think my co-workers would find it abnormal if I didn't exhibit sudden outbursts every coupla days. Huge grin.

*my blogs advocate the display of behaviours that are of a positive, loving, and honouring nature, as exist in my Cuppa Joy reality.

Jesus came in under the door

AEN  Alfred E. Neumann look-alike  religious solicitor
CJ  Cuppa Joy me
KBB  Kind Beautiful Being  daughter-in-law

I have a picture of Jesus on my desk. He came in under my front door. It went down like this:

It's about 6pm on a weeknight, I'm prepping dinner for the fam. There's a knock at the door which is somewhat unusual. I answer the door and straight away recognize the scene. Solicitors from the neighbourhood Mormon Church. Only this time it's an early 20s pair, rather than the regular rotation of seniors. One of them bears an uncanny likeness to THE Face of Mad magazine.

I am respectful of other humans and their beliefs. Live and let live.

After the niceties I cut Alfred E. Neuman look-alike off.
CJ  I am happy in my belief system. Thank you. I'm making dinner for my family, and I'm not prepared to have a discussion.
As I'm closing the door AEN continues to speak. Blah, blah, blah.

I walk back into the kitchen. My daughter-in-law looks at me somewhat bewildered.

KBB  He was still talking.
CJ  I wasn't rude. Besides to me they're crossing boundaries by comin' to the door.
KBB  I've never seen that.

I now think she's yet again shocked by my gypsy-driven behaviour. She elaborates.

KBB  I've only lived in rural areas and that never happens.

Her disbelief is their audacity. Whew. I'm relieved. My conduct has incurred many an eye-rolling sigh (not necessarily from her...)

A couple hours later I head out the front door and there He is. A 3x4.5 glossy pic of glowing JC hand gently outstretched. The reverse side of the card reads "Faith in Christ can help you resolve personal and family challenges."

I find this amusing. Those lil rascals slipped it under the door perhaps implying I was in need of salvation. Was it my tattoos? Provocative clothing? Candor? Little did those youth-in-programming consider I live spirit at a level deeper than their allowed-comprehension. Or maybe I'm feeling a bit smug and they were just doing their thang.



I was drivin’ home early Sunday morning
Through Bakersfield,
Listening to gospel music on the coloured radio station,
And the preacher said: “You know you always have the lord by your side”
And I was so pleased to be informed of this
That I ran twenty red lights in his honour,
Thank you Jesus, thank you lord

Thank you Mick.

Thank you Mark.

Trust that all is well, because it is

I love numbers. I'm intrigued by this phenomenon I've created. A low-level manifestation kinda like close parking.*  In this numbers world I live in, the patterns I see daily can be a lil mind-blowing at times (ref my blog 22). So of course I've looked up my house number in Angel Numbers 101 (Doreen Virtue). Most numbers had 2 to 3 sentence explanations. Mine was a simple one-liner:

Trust that all is well, because it is.

I'm adopting this as my newest mantra. So... as long as I remember in the midst of chaos, or anything that remotely smells like drama, to take the path of least resistance, breathe, and trust that all is well, because it is, I can usually maintain a sunny disposition. Being an energetic Taurean (= a wee bit stubborn), my prior automation/programming, in an uncomfortable situation, was usually my ego surfacing in defense of any such nonsensical accusations or likeness thereof.  I am learning to continually make a conscious effort to shift and conduct myself in a manner of response ...rather than react... funnel my initial reaction through my Spock Filter of Neutrality before doing anything. In spiritual lingo, that's what awareness and alignment are all about.

At our core we feel best when we view the world through the proverbial rose-coloured glasses. It's because that whole pollyanna-thing has infinite positive influences on our overall wellbeing and quality of life - our earthwalk experience. And don't we all truly desire optimum health and peace of mind?

Energetically-speaking, being happy and joyful emits a higher vibration in our bodies and we feel good. When we feel bad we're experiencing emotions that are vibrationally lower; we're not at peace when something nasty is going down. It's against our core. And yes there are some people who have no conscience - humans are complex beings - but they're the minority, and their roots are from another planet, galaxy or dimension (there's deep subject...).

Of late, I've been watching Dr. Steven Greer. He speaks so much truth while delicately riding the fear-based conspiracy theory. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHm1ifDAccY

Although I prefer not to give my attention to the dark side, it's important to seek out information from a variety of sources and make up your own mind aka your reality.

There is so much more going on than we know. And I'm not jumping on the conspiracy bandwagon, I'm all about the spirituality. Alignment. Enlightenment. Living truthfully. Waking up. Awareness.  ...endless labels all indicative of living joyfully...

I've recently created my own YouTube channel - Cuppa Joy - with links to fantastic clips, and channels I subscribe to. Depending on the level of 'freak' you're into, there's Cool Stuff and Wake Up! categories ... the information is infinite, just like the Universe.
http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCb4TYNyOZC8HtYHVVOZbhg

Sleep well, live large and trust that all is well, because it is.

*After watching The Secret a half dozen years ago I practiced the affirmation of "I park close". GoshDarn if it didn't work. And it continues to happen.
Drawback: In my attempt-to-be-active lifestyle, I actually like parking further away for those extra steps.

Love aka source energy

SLH  Sweet Little Human  grandson
CNJ  Cuppa Nona Joy me
SCG  Super Cool Guy  fellow traveller


I have a grandson. And he is the best thing ever. Mainstream I know, but besides being indicative of the power of love, I see him as my opportunity to remember. To observe our human experience as pure unaltered source.

And we all want to think the fruit of our loins is advanced. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I recognize it as ego-related and choose not to assign duality and delight in observing the unfolding of this SLH's journey just as it is.

However...

This blessed being, my grandson, was born on June 21, the first day of summer. And what a ray of sunshine he is. Earlier that year, I celebrated the arrival of Spring with a group of galfriends performing a pagan-like ritual in a wooded area nearby. One of the gifts received was a lily bulb. I planted it in my ever-expanding garden. The synchronicities of the Universe are magical; that lily revealed it's first bloom on the first day of summer, the first day of SLH's life.

Mother Earth, you rock.

To view the world through a child's mind. Hmmm, we should all do that more. Delight. Question. Observe. And be brave to say odd things; it merely shows we're awake and contemplating and learning. My lil guy is already programmed with social manners so when he doesn't want to do something it's No please.  Awww... His fave program is Cat in the Hat. We should all have Dr Seuss as our first life coach.

     You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
     You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

We were outside the other night; a beautiful September evening. That SLH was riding his tricycle and noticed the magnificent sky. Beautiful he says in toddler-speak. We hold hands and walk up the driveway. He points Awesome. I pop him in the back of the truck; he busies himself with some rope tying down an invisible load. I feel so alive ... the expansive sky above, slowly, subtly, the pinkish hue, morphing as the sun sets, SLH's chatter. The neighbourhood is alive ... joggers, dog-walkers and we greet them all. HI he hollers. A friend of mine comes by walking her furry bundle of joy.
Hey you're having a tailgate party without me. We chatted, laughed, reminisced. She carried on her way; I gathered up that SLH and took him in for his bath.

He's so damn cute I can't stand it.

We're outside on my sundeck. I look at SLH.
CNJ  You know what's really going on here don't you?
SLH  Yes, is his reply.
He has said some incredible things about people he's never met and those who have passed within his short life. For me, this solidifies the concept of so-called programming aka our belief systems. No wonder it's hard for us to remember that we're energetic beings having a physical experience. From the get-go our reality is built externally. Rules. Blah, blah, blah.

I have a close friend who is on a spiritual journey much like mine. He has a new grandson and held him, only hours old. SCG, in his enlightened state, was incredibly moved by the profoundness of cradling this virginal energy.

happy sigh.

The joyful feeling is alignment with your true source: the vibration of  LOVE.
Makes this whole earthwalk worth every second of discomfort to experience that level of happiness. Think about it. How many songs have a "trade all my tomorrows for a single yesterday" theme to them. Indeed, our human condition is addicted to love. We just need to be reminded sometimes.
As Ellen says, Be Kind to One Another

Here's another one of Mark's Doodles. This guy is fantastic ... in so many ways ...

Keep on Doodling Professor ....

22

For many years now I have had a significant relationship with the number 22.
I don't call it my lucky number cause what is a lucky number really? This guy at work told me about his girlfriend playing her lucky numbers in the Lotto. He said to her one day, how are those numbers workin' for ya?  ha ha, burn!

But all callous humour aside, I was in my thirties when I started to notice the symbols my beloved Universe was sending.

Just about every month in the year has something significant that's happened on the 22nd and I believe that by the end of my earthwalk the calendar will be full.

• my oldest son was born on the 22nd
• my last day - unplanned - from a 20 yr job was on the 22nd
• an interview was on the 22nd ... of course I got the job. I knew I was a shoe-in!
• 10-yr bestie born on the 22nd
• some too sizzling for publishing ... tee hee
• at this point all but 3 months are spoken for

But wait, there's more!

• first love-of-my-life ... when I was 22
• my twins were born on the 2nd
• my mom was 22 when I made my appearance ... which went unnoticed by me until my mom mentioned it on  my 44th birthday
• 22 has been in phone numbers and addresses
• guy at work brings me a can of cola; one of the minis ... 222 ml
• at least 3 or 4 times a day when I glance at the clock it's something:22
• endless license plates ... just last week as I approached a stop sign the license plate on the car in front of me was 222 MEH
• Spirit Science - fantastic YouTube series - has 22 episodes; recent addition is numbered 22_2 and talks about cycles and riding it out instead of trying to force happy

The prominent appearance of 22 has felt endless at times. So I had 22 tattooed on my forearm. Must mean somethng ... but what? Well at times I'm baffled. And a lil blonde...

I've spent many an hour Googling 22 - numerology, symbolism, seeing repetitive numbers - my reality is that these are soothing messages from the Universe that All is unfolding as it should...

   Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming   (Dory, Finding Nemo)

And since I possess self-mocking capabilities, when I wonder what's with the frequency, I lovingly acknowledge I require constant reassurance.

22 is a Universe master number. Angels are all over it. And I'm not alone in this phenomenon. Many, many, many fellow humans share this connection.

Those aligned with 22 allegedly have the potential for greatness. Now there's pressure. Interestingly enough, I do have a strong drive to live up to my potential.
recent COMSULT*   You're quite the force.  I know, I said
And it's my own personal challenge; no skeletons in the closet fueling some egocentric need. Simply, I know I am capable, so I will.

Sometimes, in our human condition, we expect greatness to appear in a profound way. More often it's subtle occurring through continuous growth - living, loving, learning - a collective, well-rounded kind of success. At least that's my chosen take.

When put in a sink-or-swim scenario I've kept my head bobbing out of the water and am over-the-top grateful for every single freakin' experience regardless of how my ego saw the duality, aka the ole judgment scale.

This past year my knowledge bank has broadened exponentially. As I'm embracing the concept that I truly create my reality, 22 is becoming more and more visible because I've made it part of my truth, aka manifested, I am aligned with 22.

And I am making those subtle steps. Changing day jobs ... writing this blog ... heading down the path of endless possibilities. I've seen what I can create in a small way and I'm intrigued, curious and adventurous to test those waters and see where this all leads.

Mind bent? It's all what you choose to feel and believe, and it will appear.

To wrap up my affinity to 22 - more number phenomena comin - amongst many longtime awesome friendships I'm fortunate to have, there's a great couple I know who have now been married for longer than I'll ever be... Recently I found out that Mark does Doodles. When I perused his gallery on FB I noticed he'd done a special Doodle for their anniversary. Guess what? It was year 22! of course it was ...

 

 

 

*comsult   I proudly give credit to my daughter for this one
   A combination of a compliment and an insult

We're in the grocery store.

AD  Oh there you are, I didn't realize it was you. You looked so thin and pretty from behind.
CJ  I looked thin and pretty?! Thanks.

My vanity graciously took the com' and overlooked the 'sult part.

Time to publish: it's 11:22.  Sweet dreams.